Jokes Thread!

^Speed 12^ · Post by **^Speed 12^** » 10 May 2005, 08:50

Post your jokes here. I think ill start:

There were 3 people driving a car in a desert until it broke down. One of the guys got angry and kicked a door. It fell off. One of the guys took an umbrella on his jouney, one guy took alot of water and the other guy took the car door!

As they were walking along, they saw a bunch of people who lived in the desert. The deserters asked if they wanted to hang out for abit and they agreed.

They asked the first guy, "Why are you carrying an umbrella"? He answered "When i get hot, i can use it for shade". They asked they second guy, "Why are you carrying water"? He answered "When i get thirsty ill drink it". Finally they asked the last guy, "Why are you carrying a car door!"? He answered, "When it gets hot, ill open the window"!!!

Twinturbo · Post by **Twinturbo** » 10 May 2005, 16:22

There were also topics about it bu my topic has been locked

I think ti will be too.

^Speed 12^ · Post by **^Speed 12^** » 10 May 2005, 16:55

I hope this one doesnt. did u find that joke funny?

PSZeTa · Post by **PSZeTa** » 10 May 2005, 20:57

Yeah, it goes like this.

So you are going to a shop to buy a vase. And you give the owner the money.
Then you throw the vase at the ground.

Owner: My vase, WTF you doing?

Me: I bought it you idiot. It's mine.

Stupid joke. :'D

^Speed 12^ · Post by **^Speed 12^** » 10 May 2005, 21:00

true, it is your vase!

Is it ok if i post rude jokes?

korge · Post by **korge** » 10 May 2005, 21:21

^Speed 12^ wrote:Is it ok if i post rude jokes?

Read

Bojan wrote: * No posts with illegal and pornographic content
This includes warez and mp3 discussions.

* No swearing and flaming
Although we do have some filters of bad words installed, not all are filtered out, so watch your language. Flaming at other users will not be tolerated! All posts breaking the above rule will be deleted, in worst case the author will be banned.

* No offensive posts
Posts offensive to any other users will not be tolerated and will be deleted, in worst case the poster will be banned.

Just stick to the rules before you get this topic locked.

Andre_online · Post by **Andre_online** » 10 May 2005, 22:57

Well I do have 1 joke. Here it goes:

3 old friends aew taking a memory test. The doctor asks the first, "What's three times three?"

"274" he answers.

"Hm..." The doctor turns into the second man. "What's three times three?"

"Tuesday" he replied.

"What's three times three?" the doctor asks the last man.

"Nine." he answers.

"Great," the doctor says. "How did you get that?"

"Simple! I subtracted 274 from Tuesday"

EmptyWords · Post by **EmptyWords** » 10 May 2005, 23:15

that last one makes no sense really. yeah.... the first one was kind of lame...

3KED · Post by **3KED** » 10 May 2005, 23:23

I heard the fist one, but here in Norway we make fun of the Swedens for being so "dumb" (don't ban me now, i have nothing against swedens but Norway has

LOL)
so insted of people we use Swedens

Cpt.Razkit · Post by **Cpt.Razkit** » 10 May 2005, 23:26

Here is my throw at the joke thread....

The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there, pal?"

"A mongoose."

"What for?"

"Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I'm scared to death of snakes. That's why I got this mongoose, for protection."

"But," the friend said, "you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes."

"That's okay," said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, "So is the mongoose."

R34GTR · Post by **R34GTR** » 10 May 2005, 23:32

A man walks in to a bar.........OUCH!!!!

Post by **Morty** » 11 May 2005, 01:28

3KED wrote:I heard the fist one, but here in Norway we make fun of the Swedens for being so "dumb" (don't ban me now, i have nothing against swedens but Norway has LOL)
so insted of people we use Swedens

And the Swedes have the same jokes about us...

The difference? Our stories are true...

Just kidding, I love Sweden (seriously

)

korge · Post by **korge** » 11 May 2005, 03:59

Morty wrote:
3KED wrote:I heard the fist one, but here in Norway we make fun of the Swedens for being so "dumb" (don't ban me now, i have nothing against swedens but Norway has LOL)
so insted of people we use Swedens
And the Swedes have the same jokes about us...
The difference? Our stories are true...

Just kidding, I love Sweden (seriously )

Lmao... a joke in itself... Good job

Dr-CiviC · Post by **Dr-CiviC** » 11 May 2005, 11:51

meh i got a lame one

What do cows have nightmares about
:
ronald macdonald

(if u did not get the joke, the aim of this joke is the cows are scared of ronald because he will turn the into burgers "not that they use cow anayway")

EmptyWords · Post by **EmptyWords** » 11 May 2005, 12:30

Dr-CiviC wrote:meh i got a lame one

What do cows have nightmares about
:
ronald macdonald

(if u did not get the joke, the aim of this joke is the cows are scared of ronald because he will turn the into burgers "not that they use cow anayway")

now thats just the truest thing ive heard,i hate mcdonalds, i havent ate it in like, 2 years, and im not planin on any time soon, but i still eat other fast food everyonce in while, anyways yeah alto of natinos have jokes about other nations, like in poland they have a ton of jokes about the russians,a nd im sure in russian theyre all about polish people. but one thing that really pisses me off is that all these people in america make jokes about polish people, it really makes no sense.

GioDeR · Post by **GioDeR** » 11 May 2005, 12:44

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda."
There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."

bashderq · Post by **bashderq** » 11 May 2005, 13:35

hehehe pub joke eh?^^
i like this 1

Twinturbo · Post by **Twinturbo** » 11 May 2005, 14:29

HAHA!! Women are so complicated

^Speed 12^ · Post by **^Speed 12^** » 11 May 2005, 17:50

There were 3 people on a plane. A dad, a mom and a baby. The plane was about to crash and there were only 2 parachutes. They told their baby " Sorry son but we must leave you". He said "ok".

They landed on their parachutes and they saw the baby. "Where the hell did you come from?" said the parents. He said "im not dumb, im not silly, i held on to daddy's willy"!

I hope this isnt rude and if it is, please dont ban me

.

^Speed 12^ · Post by **^Speed 12^** » 11 May 2005, 21:56

A boy came from a foreign country and he didnt know any english. His dad said to him "If anyone asks you anything, say "yes".

The boy was walking down the road and a guy asked him "Do you wants crisps?". He said "yes". Another person asked him "Do you want a drink?". He said "yes". Another person asked him "Shall i beat you up!?". He said "yes" so the guy beated him up!

The next day his dad told him"always say "no". He was walking down the road and the same guy asked him if he wanted crisps and he said "no". The other guy asked him if he wanted a drink and he said "no". The other guy asked him "Have you had enough yet?" and he said "no" so the guy beated him up again!

The next day his dad told him to always say "i dont care". He was walking down the road and the same guy asked if he wanted crisps and he said "i dont care". the other guy asked him if he wanted a drink and he said "i dont care". The last guy told him "My mother died today" and he said "i dont care"!

R34GTR · Post by **R34GTR** » 11 May 2005, 23:17

thats harsh but funny

EmptyWords · Post by **EmptyWords** » 12 May 2005, 00:13

i dont get it.... its not funny... its crap

Post by **GT3x24x7** » 12 May 2005, 00:16

Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick. O_o

ViperGT · Post by **ViperGT** » 12 May 2005, 00:40

Yeah i got one it's really funny I bet noone has heard it before

you just can't wait to hear it can you?

OK OK

why did the chicken cross the road? yeah i know you've all heard it but noone posted it yet so I had to.

korge · Post by **korge** » 12 May 2005, 01:30

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know
where my watch is pal, where the f*** is yours? Do I point at my crotch when
I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for
the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel
manually.

3. When people say, "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is.
Why the f*** would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do
this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their a**!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I
paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the f***** floor.

6. People who ask, "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a
choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it?
If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an
improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say, "life is short". What the f***?? Life is the longest damn
thing anyone ever f****** does!!
What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come
yet?â€ If the bus came would I be standing here, dum***?