Jokes Thread!

EmptyWords · Post by **EmptyWords** » 12 May 2005, 03:17

i got one

if ugly was shown in bricks, you'd be the wall of china

boganbusman · Post by **boganbusman** » 12 May 2005, 08:07

LMAO @ korge

What do you have when there is a Holden driver buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.

Dragon-of-Rune · Post by **Dragon-of-Rune** » 12 May 2005, 09:20

ROFL

Oh that's funny bogan

bashderq · Post by **bashderq** » 12 May 2005, 12:43

...this 1 is a bit common

Dragon-of-Rune · Post by **Dragon-of-Rune** » 12 May 2005, 12:49

ViperGT wrote:Yeah i got one it's really funny I bet noone has heard it before

you just can't wait to hear it can you?

OK OK

why did the chicken cross the road? yeah i know you've all heard it but noone posted it yet so I had to.

I know the aswer, to get RUN OVER

Post by **GT3x24x7** » 12 May 2005, 13:44

Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after she wakes up?

A: She goes home..

boganbusman · Post by **boganbusman** » 12 May 2005, 13:48

Ohhh GT, you're killing me.

How do you know if a Holden driver is at your party?

He''ll tell you

Post by **GT3x24x7** » 12 May 2005, 13:52

ROFL!

Q: What's blue, and smells like green paint?

A: Blue paint.

Tyrant · Post by **Tyrant** » 12 May 2005, 13:55

OMG, that one was great

boganbusman · Post by **boganbusman** » 12 May 2005, 13:55

Hehehe.

What do you call a red hat if you throw it in the blue sea?

Wet

Post by **GT3x24x7** » 12 May 2005, 14:17

Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Just two, but the real trick is to get them in there.

GioDeR · Post by **GioDeR** » 12 May 2005, 14:20

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.
"Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around, noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it-- stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt."
"That's when I made my big mistake."
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the cow's tail again and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"

boganbusman · Post by **boganbusman** » 12 May 2005, 14:30

GT3x24x7 wrote:Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Just two, but the real trick is to get them in there.

AHAHAHAHAHA ROFLMAO!!!

I haven't got any more dumb jokes . . . so I'll leave you with this:

Tyrant · Post by **Tyrant** » 12 May 2005, 14:32

LOL!

Post by **GT3x24x7** » 12 May 2005, 14:48

Q: What do you call 20,000 lawyers under the sea?

A: A good start.

chimpzrl · Post by **chimpzrl** » 12 May 2005, 15:03

Q: How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 10. One to screw it in, and 9 more to make a support group for coping with darkness.

How about this one:
Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Amish
Amish who?
That's funny, you don't look like a shoe.

HAHAHA...I kill me!

Post by **GT3x24x7** » 12 May 2005, 15:08

Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?

A: 11. One to mix the batter and 10 to peel the Smarties. (M&M's)

Dragon-of-Rune · Post by **Dragon-of-Rune** » 12 May 2005, 16:16

Joke 1

Q: Why did the blonde purchase an AM radio?
A: She didn't want one for nights.

Joke 2

Juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer.

"I juggle them in my act."

"Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it." So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives.

A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"

ViperGT · Post by **ViperGT** » 12 May 2005, 16:23

Ok I've got some jokes here you go

1
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the
morning.The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone,
listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from
here!"
and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is
clear."

2
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the
mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"
So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

3
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes
out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the
door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is
really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so,
she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

4
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

5
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"

6
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US
Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.Wade was
about.
Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George
Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."

7
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized.
She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 Unit,
patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached
the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch,
shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my
possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman."

EDIT: should I get rid of the rest of my jokes or save them?

^Speed 12^ · Post by **^Speed 12^** » 12 May 2005, 17:03

Those rock lol. EmptyWords doesnt seem to get anything!

Triskac · Post by **Triskac** » 12 May 2005, 19:01

Questionaire:

Name ?
- Abdul Aziz
Sex ?
- Three times a week.
No, no, male or female ?
- Male, female, sometimes camel.

korge · Post by **korge** » 12 May 2005, 22:28

THINGS TO NEVER SAY TO A COP.
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee Son.... Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,â€ Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

These should be in NFS Most Wanted..

^Speed 12^ · Post by **^Speed 12^** » 14 May 2005, 10:38

There were 3 people stranded on an island. 1 blonde, 1 brunette, 1 redhead. The brunette said, "i bet east is the way to shore". There were 20 miles to shore and the brunette swam 5 and died. The redhead said "i bet she made it to shore" so she swam 10 miles and died. the blonde said "i bet they made it to shore" so she swam 15 miles 16 miles 17 miles 18 miles 19 miles and she could just about see the shore. she got tired though and swam all the way back!!!

bashderq · Post by **bashderq** » 14 May 2005, 13:09

here are some of the funniest stuff i've ever read on the net...their website is http://www.theparticle.com

here are some fun things 2 do in college, even if u'r a teacher or student

..i guarantee u'll be on the floor laughing
http://www.theparticle.com/fun/fun.php? ... ege&id=417
http://www.theparticle.com/fun/fun.php? ... ege&id=418
http://www.theparticle.com/fun/fun.php? ... ege&id=419
http://www.theparticle.com/fun/fun.php? ... ege&id=420

^Speed 12^ · Post by **^Speed 12^** » 15 May 2005, 10:46

Funny lol!